How to Win an Argument With an 800-Pound Steer

We were moving cattle into the holding pen when Shamus, a 3-year-old Scottish Highland steer, stopped, turned, and looked me dead in the eye. The message was clear: "I'd like to go back to my pasture now, thanks. Not into your pen."

So how do you change the mind of an 800-pound bovine?

Simple. Psychology.

The trick is simple: make your idea feel like his. Do that, and you win more often. It’s negotiation, and Chris Voss, author of "Never Split the Difference," writes it: "Negotiation is coaxing, not overcoming; co-opting, not defeating. Most importantly, successful negotiation involves getting your counterpart to do the work for you; to suggest your solution himself."

Voss was an FBI agent who negotiated with terrorists. Working cattle isn't as dangerous, but the lesson is the same: people resist being told what to do. Spouses dig in their heels over the trash; kids stage a revolt at bedtime. Offer two options you're happy with, either way. "Trash tonight or dishes?" "Brush teeth first or pajamas first?" Give people and cattle a choice, and they stop fighting.

So how do you get a steer to change his mind?

Instead of stepping toward Shamus to push him into the pen, I did the opposite. I took two steps back and looked away. With the pressure off — and to most cattle, a human stare is pressure — he studied the open gate for a good 30 seconds. I gave him the time and space to choose: shoulder past the bossy farmer, or take the easy road through the gate.

Open gate versus bossy farmer. He calmly stepped through, taking the easy road and going exactly where I wanted him to go.

Sure, it's tempting to shout and wave your arms. And honestly? It's fun. But gentle persuasion works just as well — often better — and it makes the farmer feel smart.

If you want to feel smart, join me on July 25 from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. for the Cow Crew Experience. Spend two hours brushing, hugging, and feeding the Miles Smith Farm herd of cattle. Space is limited, so sign up soon.

Carole Soule is co-owner of Miles Smith Farm in Loudon, N.H., where you can have an Ultimate Cow Experience and hug Finn, a Highland steer. Carole can be reached at carole@cow-coach.com.